The 'dark side' of being a professional footballer

A retired professional footballer has opened up about "the dark side" of his career.

Former Reading FC striker Simon Church said he struggled with his mental health at some points, and that the culture did not encourage people to talk about it.

"Nowadays you feel like you can speak a bit more... there's a lot more support," he said.

Reading FC played a game on Saturday with mental health charity Beder as the main shirt sponsor, as part of a one-off initiative designed to get more people involved in the sport to talk about mental health.

Mr Church said his career put him under pressure early on in his life.

"Coming through the academy you have a lot of pressure on you, mainly pressure that you put on yourself - you want to do well for the club," he said.

He said that the pressure only got worse with exposure on social media.

"There was plenty of times where I've come off the pitch, I can't help myself but I'll have a look at the comments," he said.

"It kills your confidence... it takes its toll."

He said he was not sure who to talk to when he struggled mentally.

"In football at the time and especially in a group of men, we don't talk about it, we don't open up, and I felt like I couldn't speak to anyone at the club as well because it might damage my potential to play," he said.

"As a footballer... I felt like I had to just get on with it, push it under the carpet."

Razzak Mirjan founded Beder in honour of his brother, who took his own life aged 18.

He said the "worst day of my life" had given him "perspective".

"It makes you realise what's important, and now it's our chance to try and do good in his name and to keep him with us," he said.

"To me, it's my therapy."

He said he hoped the shirts would help start conversations about mental health.

"Football is an amazing way to raise awareness and bring people together," he said,

"[It's] an incredible opportunity for visibility, for conversations to be had and to raise awareness."

A key initiative of Beder's is to fund six free online therapy sessions.

They're available to anyone who is 18 or older, with more than 500 online sessions having already taken place since mid-2023.

For Mr Church, it was not until he retired from the game that he was able to face his struggles.

"I had to wait until I was 29, 30, to really deal with the situations that I'd... brushed under the carpet," he said.

But he said things were better now - and that campaigns like this would keep things moving in the right direction.

"The more people that are just opening up... that's gonna help hugely," he said.

You can follow BBC Berkshire on Facebook, X (Twitter), or Instagram.