'Anorexia nearly ruined my life until I started writing recipes'

Becky Excell has felt alone at times in her life, from friendship struggles to a devastating eating disorder.

But when she started creating gluten-free recipes, it eventually became a turning point.

The 34-year-old, who lives in Colchester, has now published seven cookbooks and has more than a million followers on social media.

Here, in her own words, she explains how she has found a community and is helping them feel more normal.

Growing up, I was the confident, competitive, sporty one. I had lots of friends up until I was about 13 or 14. That's when I noticed everyone changing and I felt left out. At that age, it was a feeling that was hard to understand and speak about.

Fortunately, I made some new friends at sixth form and met my boyfriend, Mark. Yet when I went away to Manchester to study law in 2009 with a brand new group of flatmates, that feeling of being on the edge started creeping in again.

At the same time, I started to feel physically unwell with excruciating stomach pains and complete exhaustion.

I went to the doctor, who suggested removing gluten from my diet, and I started to feel better. It was after this that I discovered that I should have been tested for coeliac disease before being instructed to remove gluten from my diet.

Unfortunately I was so behind in studying and so disconnected from any possible chance of friendship that I ended up dropping out and enrolling at an entirely different university. I was full of hope for a fresh start but it was like reliving that lonely, alienating experience all over again.

I couldn't just drop out again and go home to my parents in shame for the second time so I stuck it out. I was almost entirely isolated and alone in my room seven days a week, rarely speaking or seeing anyone, despite having joined every society under the sun to try and make new friends.

I never told Mark how hard I was finding it and he never understood fully why I'd cry whenever he'd leave after visiting me for a few days.

I figured that if I was alone and miserable for a year, I might as well use the time to get into the best shape of my life. Sadly for me, that meant that I began to over-exercise and restrict food. I ended up uncontrollably binge eating from being so physically exhausted and under-fuelled.

This cycle continued until I eventually completed my first year, when Mark and I agreed I should move universities to continue my last two years closer to home.

I finally graduated from the University of Essex in 2013 and didn't have much luck concerning friendship there either. My weight plummeted and my relationship with food and exercise was in tatters. My stress surrounding maintaining that toxic cycle made me a horrible person to be around, especially whenever food was involved.

After plucking up the courage to seek help, I was eventually diagnosed with anorexia nervosa with binging tendencies. The following years of treatment were a huge struggle. I was told that I was so underweight that I could die in my sleep.

After spending time in an eating disorder unit, I was told that if I didn't change, I'd soon be sectioned, which was the wake-up call I needed.

On that day, I called up my gym, where I used to go twice a day for multiple hours at a time, and told them to cancel my membership and never let me in again.

I haven't weighed myself, looked at calories or been to the gym for more than a decade.

I will never be 'recovered', always in 'recovery', but I am now in control, something that wasn't the case in the depths of what I can safely say was the worst period of my life.

During the final months of my degree in 2013, I started my gluten-free food blog called Gluten Free Cuppa Tea. As gluten-free options were few, far between and commonly disappointing back then, I'd often make my own recipes and post them there for safekeeping. Who knows, maybe one day someone might read them? Or even make them.

Little did I know that this hobby would later be the key to me repairing my fraught relationship with food. It gave food an entirely separate purpose to me - I was making food for others who might one day find the recipe. I started getting comments from other gluten-free eaters who had tried my recipe and loved it, so I made more. Suddenly, food wasn't just something selfish - it was something I could use to help others.

The blog was just a hobby while I worked full-time in PR and marketing. But in 2017, I took a massive risk and quit my job to dedicate more time to it. I thought about the potential of writing a recipe book of my own and then started messaging publishers about it who deemed it too niche to bother with.

Yet after persisting, and on my very last trip to London before Covid lockdowns were announced, I met a publisher for lunch and was offered a deal for two books.

Fast-forward to today and I now have seven Sunday Times best-selling gluten-free recipe books. My most recent book was aimed at making it more affordable to eat gluten-free food because it's too expensive. Gluten-free food should be affordable and accessible to everyone who needs it.

It's been a crazy journey and I didn't expect the books to do so well. My blog is now on more than one million views every month and I'm so glad I took that risk.

I love that I can help people who might struggle to find gluten-free meals they enjoy. I hope I'm helping a community feel more normal; that's one of my greatest aims.

Running my blog and social media has helped create a community, who have been there for me through difficult times.

They're so supportive whenever I talk about my experiences with friendship, my eating disorder and more recently, they supported me through my BRCA2 diagnosis.

I was told I had an 88% chance of developing breast cancer, which led to me having a double mastectomy and breast reconstruction aged 31.

I will also need to have my ovaries removed by the age of 40 to reduce my risk of developing ovarian cancer. Whilst it's a scary thought, I know it's for the best and my community will always have my back.

As well as continuing helping them through my recipes, I want to keep raising awareness for the gluten-free and coeliac community beyond that.

I want to push for change in hospitals and schools where a gluten-free diet isn't always catered for as well as it should be.

I want to help reduce the stigma that surrounds being gluten-free. And I want to continue the push for gluten-free foods to be more accessible and affordable.

I recently attended Downing Street to present a petition to the government to end the postcode lottery for gluten-free prescriptions in my role as an ambassador for the charity Coeliac UK.

I want to help make change happen and give back to those who have helped me.

So, though I still don't have any super-close friends, I certainly never feel alone anymore. And 16 years later, Mark is still here with me too, alongside our little dog, Peggy, for which I am forever grateful.

As told to Charlie Jones

If you are concerned about the issues raised in this article, help and support is available for disordered eating.

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